Church Newsletter Bloopers

They're  Back!  

Those wonderful Church Newsletters! Thank God for church ladies with  typewriters.  

These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church newsletters or were announced in church services:  

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The Fasting  & Prayer Conference includes meals. 

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The sermon  this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching  for Jesus..'  

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Ladies, don't  forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not  worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.  

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Remember in  prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is  hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about  you.  

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Don't let  worry kill you off - let the Church help.  

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Miss Charlene  Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to  the congregation.  

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For those of  you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.  

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Next Thursday  there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can  get.  

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Irving  Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24in the church. So ends  a friendship that began in their school days.  

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A bean supper  will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will  follow.  

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At  the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come  early and listen to our choir practice.  

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Eight new  choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new  members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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Scouts are  saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds  will be used to cripple children.  

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Please place  your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want  remembered.  

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The church will  host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious  hostility.  

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Potluck supper  Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.  

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The ladies of  the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the  basement on Friday afternoon.  

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This evening  at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.  Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 

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Ladies Bible  Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to  lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.  

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The pastor  would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their  electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.  

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(My favourite)

Low  Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back  door.  

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The  eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church  basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this  tragedy.

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Weight  Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.. Please use  large double door at the side entrance.

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The Associate  Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped  My Pledge - Up Yours.'